Calvinist Jokes

(Post from Gary’s Rather Sad Blog)

As part of the general Open Season on Calvinists, the Beaker Folk would like to offer the following…

How can you tell if you’re on a Calvinist train?
– They’re all Calvinist trains. You’re only going where they want you to go…

What do Calvinists say when they’ve fallen downstairs?
– Thank goodness that’s over with…

How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
– Well, is the lightbulb meant to be changed? Maybe this lightbulb was never intended to change. Maybe this light bulb is meant to stay dark.

How do you confuse a Calvinist?
– Offer them three cakes and say it’s up to them which one they eat.

What do you call a Calvinist ex-prisoner?
– A Reformed character.

And a final teaser…. how hard would a qualification in Theology be for a Calvinist if all the questions were multiple-choice? What would the instructions say – “Only put a tick against the answer you are intended to think it is…”


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