I haven’t thought of one of these in awhile and due to homework, classes, and getting over last week’s Puritan Conference I have not much time to write a blog post today. So…
You might be a Calvinist if… You own a NIV Bible and its placed in the fiction section of your library.
Part of our Tribute Conference in Geneva during July (schedule posted here), will feature an afternoon session devoted to papers presented by Young Calvin Scholars. To present a summary of a paper at the Geneva Conference on July 8, 2009 in the afternoon, the paper (5,000-7,500 words) must meet the following qualifications:
Must be submitted electronically in English to David Hall by June 12, 2009 in MS Word format;
Must be an original work by a registered participant at the conference under 45 years of age, with at least a Masters in related studies;
Must focus on some topic addressed by John Calvin, using Calvin as a primary source.
Prizes will be awarded, and recognition will be given in the published volume of Proceedings from the conference. Prizes are as follows:
First Prize $300
Second Prize $150
Third Prize $100
Professors, advisors, and participants are asked to spread the word and encourage some of our best young Calvin scholars to attend and present their work.
Hope to see you there! And if so? let me know you are going! I’ll be live blogging and Twittering the whole Tour.
Let the Easter circus stunts begin! Calvary Church in Irving Texas is promising to put their pastor in a six foot, clear plastic box on top of the church for three days if 4,000 people show up for Easter weekend. The potentially boxed pastor, Ben Dailey, says:
“This might be cheesy, but what can I say? I am passionate about the church getting out and being the church, not just within our walls, but outside of them as well. It’s time for the church to get out of the box and let our world know that we serve a great God and have fun doing it.”
(Disclaimer: These are to be taken as humor to my dear brothers, and not as a slam.)
You might be a Dutch-Calvinist if… you…
1. Don’t own or watch TV
2. Don’t attend Movie Theaters
3. Don’t have a DVD Player
4. Don’t have the internet
5. Don’t listen to any form of Rock Music
6. Always wear a head covering
7. Don’t work for an Union
As part of the general Open Season on Calvinists, the Beaker Folk would like to offer the following…
How can you tell if you’re on a Calvinist train?
– They’re all Calvinist trains. You’re only going where they want you to go…
What do Calvinists say when they’ve fallen downstairs?
– Thank goodness that’s over with…
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
– Well, is the lightbulb meant to be changed? Maybe this lightbulb was never intended to change. Maybe this light bulb is meant to stay dark.
How do you confuse a Calvinist?
– Offer them three cakes and say it’s up to them which one they eat.
What do you call a Calvinist ex-prisoner?
– A Reformed character.
And a final teaser…. how hard would a qualification in Theology be for a Calvinist if all the questions were multiple-choice? What would the instructions say – “Only put a tick against the answer you are intended to think it is…”
You might be a Calvinist if… you find your wife or husband on Sovereign Grace Singles. As they say,
“As Calvinists we worship, it seems, a different God, or at least, we have a much different God-concept. Have you ever become frustrated because it is hard to find someone Theologically/Philosophically like-minded?… Does this strike a chord with you? Agree? So do I!! “
You might be a Calvinist if… you vote only Republican
You might be a Fundamentalist if… you vote only Republican
If you vote Democratic your Emergent or not a believer
If you vote Independent your… … … good job!
For those of you who are interested, Dr. David Hall has a series on Calvin and Government over at the Calvin 500 blog.
Michael Dewalt is a humanities teacher and junior high assistant football coach at Cair Paravel Latin School in Topeka, KS. There he also serves as a member of the Integrated Humanities Committee and Academic Committee. His undergrad studies are from Word of Life Bible Institute and Clarks Summit University and his graduate studies are from Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and Faith Theological Seminary. He is a member of Grace Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Lawerence, KS, the Evangelical Theological Society, and the American Society of Church History, and winner of the Zwingli Prize Award at the Calvin500 Conference & Tour in 2009. Michael blogs at Gospel-Centered Musings, has written numerous articles for Logo’s Calvin500, Place for Truth a voice of the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals, and Heritage Book Talk, and is published in the Puritan Theological Journal. Michael lives in Kansas with his wife, Emily, their son Wyatt Cash, two cats Nutkin and Ariel and dog Brutus.
