Calvinist…

I haven’t thought of one of these in awhile and due to homework, classes, and getting over last week’s Puritan Conference I have not much time to write a blog post today. So…

You might be a Calvinist if… You own a NIV Bible and its placed in the fiction section of your library.

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Choosing can be hard

I haven’t done one of these in awhile, so here are two. 

You might be a Calvinist if… someone offers three pieces of candy and you don’t know how to chose which one you are going to take.

You might be a Calvinist if… you refuse to take a multiple choice test, you just don’t know what you’d do.


CT Interviews Rob Bell

You might be  a Calvinist if… you read Rob Bell on the Gospel, and it makes you sick!


For Young Calvin Scholars

You might be a “Young” Calvinist if… 

Part of our Tribute Conference in Geneva during July (schedule posted here), will feature an afternoon session devoted to papers presented by Young Calvin Scholars. To present a summary of a paper at the Geneva Conference on July 8, 2009 in the afternoon, the paper (5,000-7,500 words) must meet the following qualifications:

  • Must be submitted electronically in English to David Hall by June 12, 2009 in MS Word format;
  • Must be an original work by a registered participant at the conference under 45 years of age, with at least a Masters in related studies;
  • Must focus on some topic addressed by John Calvin, using Calvin as a primary source.

Prizes will be awarded, and recognition will be given in the published volume of Proceedings from the conference. Prizes are as follows:

  • First Prize $300
  • Second Prize $150
  • Third Prize $100

Professors, advisors, and participants are asked to spread the word and encourage some of our best young Calvin scholars to attend and present their work.

 

Hope to see you there! And if so? let me know you are going! I’ll be live blogging and Twittering the whole Tour. 


Pastor In A Box Easter Marketing Stunt

You might be a Calvinist if… this gets under your skin!

Watch video here!

See the website here —> Pastor In A Box Easter Marketing Stunt

(From A Little Leaven-Blog)

Let the Easter circus stunts begin! Calvary Church in Irving Texas is promising to put their pastor in a six foot, clear plastic box on top of the church for three days if 4,000 people show up for Easter weekend. The potentially boxed pastor, Ben Dailey, says:

“This might be cheesy, but what can I say? I am passionate about the church getting out and being the church, not just within our walls, but outside of them as well. It’s time for the church to get out of the box and let our world know that we serve a great God and have fun doing it.”


Dutch Calvinism

(Disclaimer: These are to be taken as humor to my dear brothers, and not as a slam.)

You might be a Dutch-Calvinist if… you…

1. Don’t own or watch TV
2. Don’t attend Movie Theaters 
3. Don’t have a DVD Player
4. Don’t have the internet
5. Don’t listen to any form of Rock Music
6. Always wear a head covering
7. Don’t work for an Union

Read the rest of this entry »


Calvinist Jokes

(Post from Gary’s Rather Sad Blog)

As part of the general Open Season on Calvinists, the Beaker Folk would like to offer the following…

How can you tell if you’re on a Calvinist train?
– They’re all Calvinist trains. You’re only going where they want you to go…

What do Calvinists say when they’ve fallen downstairs?
– Thank goodness that’s over with…

How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
– Well, is the lightbulb meant to be changed? Maybe this lightbulb was never intended to change. Maybe this light bulb is meant to stay dark.

How do you confuse a Calvinist?
– Offer them three cakes and say it’s up to them which one they eat.

What do you call a Calvinist ex-prisoner?
– A Reformed character.

And a final teaser…. how hard would a qualification in Theology be for a Calvinist if all the questions were multiple-choice? What would the instructions say – “Only put a tick against the answer you are intended to think it is…”


Cross Examination on 1 Cor. 3 and Purgatory

You might be a Calvinist if… you find this video below enjoyable. 

 

And another one… 


Reading on Sunday’s

You might be a (Strict Sabbatarian) Calvinist if… you only read my blog six days a week. 

Average a day 200.

Number on Sunday this week… 34.


What are you a member of?

You might be a Calvinist if… you are a member of The Gospel-Coalition

You might be a fundamentalist if… you are a member of the Christian Coalition of America.


Skipping and Evangelism

You might be a (Dutch/Hyper) Calvinist if… you skip the Lord’s Supper because you don’t want the church to see the plates be passed by you. 

You might be a Fundamentalist if… when you evangelize, you asked someone, “Do you want to go to heaven?”


KJV Baby!

You might be a Dutch Calvinist if… You still use a KJV.

You might be a Calvinist if… you use a Geneva Bible. 

You might be a American Reformist (New Calvinist) if… you use a ESV.

You might be a Presbyterian if… you walk into church with your Hebrew and Greek.

You might be a Baptist if… you swear up and down by the 1977 NASB.

You might be a Fundamentalist if… you made the move to the NKJV.

You might be a Dispensationalist if… you swear by Ryrie Study Bible. 

You might be Al Mohler if… you can actually understand all the notes in The Apologetics Study Bible .

You might be a Friendly Seeker if… you still use the 1980’s & 90’s NIV. 

You might be a Catholic if… you use a priest… (ouch!)

You might be a Emergent if… you don’t need a Bible, just bring your thoughts or your copy of “The Voice”


Books

You might be a Calvinist if… you passed out books for Christmas gifts.

Speaking about books and Calvinist, RHB’s deal of the week till 5PM today for 50% off!


Catholic Christmas

You might be a Calvinist if… you don’t celebrate Christmas because it is to close to being catholic.


Christmas Tree or No?

You might be a Calvinist if… you do not have a Christmas Tree in your house right now.

You might be a Fundamentalist if… you have decorated your Christmas Tree in Track-hand outs. 


Are You Single?

logo_banner

You might be a Calvinist if… you find your wife or husband on Sovereign Grace Singles. As they say, 

“As Calvinists we worship, it seems, a different God, or at least, we have a much different God-concept. Have you ever become frustrated because it is hard to find someone Theologically/Philosophically like-minded?… Does this strike a chord with you? Agree? So do I!! “

 


Puritan Thanksgiving

You might be a Calvinist if… you dressed like this for Thanksgiving. 

puritan

You might be a fundamentalist if… you dressed like this…

jerry_falwell05154

 

 


Black Friday

You might be a Calvinist if… you have no clue what “Black Friday” is. 

blackfriday


Changing Hymns

You might be a Calvinist if… you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture.

Speaking of Calvinist, check out the PRTS’s new website!


Homework on Sunday’s

You might be a Calvinist if… you do not do homework on Sundays 

You might be a Fundamentalist if… you do not get the joke above


What Party?

You might be a Calvinist if… you vote only Republican
You might be a Fundamentalist if… you vote only Republican
If you vote Democratic your Emergent or not a believer 
If you vote Independent your… … … good job!

For those of you who are interested, Dr. David Hall has a series on Calvin and Government over at the Calvin 500 blog.


What’s Your End Times?

You might be a Calvinist if… you are a Amil, Post-mil,  or Historic Pre-mil.

You might be a Fundamentalist if… you made up the doctrine of pre-trib/pre-mil or believe it at least.


Ham & Cheese

You might be a (Dutch) Calvinist if… every funeral you attend has Ham & Cheese Buns after the service.


Who do you quote?

You might be a Calvinist if… you quote Calvin, Zwingli, Burroughs, Owen, Edwards, Spurgeon, Lloyd-Jones & Sproul

You might be a fundamentalist if… you quote Darby, Moody, Scoldfield, Walvood, Hendricks, Ryrie, Falwell, & MacArthur


Desiring God 2008

You might be a Calvinist if… You attended the Desiring God National Conference because Sinclair Ferguson was there.

You might be a Fundamentalist if… You don’t know Sinclair Ferguson…